How was your Valentine’s Day? I sort of accidentally forgot about it because starting my new job has taken up all my brain space and a lot of my energy, so I didn’t do much at all! I was going to bake Chocolate Brownies but it was so hot that the idea of putting the oven on was unimaginable. I’m so very, very ready for Summer to get on out of here. I went shopping the next day, planning to buy myself a treat but didn’t find anything! So since all my plans keep going bust (it’s this awful Mercury Retrograde, I’m sure, it’s been messing with everything – every morning at work there’s a new technical trouble, whether it’s the computers or the phones, not to mention how clumsy and unlucky I’ve been when I’m not usually like that at all) I decided pictures of things-I-already-have would do. The YSL lipstick was a treat to myself (as well as a second in a raspberry colour) a couple of weeks ago, and they’re very much worth it! I’ll be doing a review post on them hopefully later this week.
The Little Princess is there because the empowering message is always with me, and it seems fitting for Valentine’s Day and self-love. Recently I realised once and for all that I’m really happy alone. Previously people have made me feel like that’s wrong or strange or just not okay, there’s this big “thing” about turning into Spinster Grannies and having a lot of cats that we’re apparently meant to avoid and fear (it sounds pretty awesome to me but okay). It took me a really long time and a lot of deep thought about my personality and preferences to realise the simple fact: I like myself better when I’m alone, I function better when I’m alone, I find everything so much easier when I’m alone. Trying to negotiate relationships for me always feels like this huge battle that is never worth it for a variety of reasons. I’m always moping about how I make things so complicated, but I’ve started to realise that maybe I should be pushing back at society and all the dumb norms and expectations that have been built up instead. They’re unfair on people who are outside of the regular bounds of “normality” – there’s not a lot I can do about who I am and how I’ve turned out, but I can surely do something about weird expectations that don’t fit quite a lot of people.
It’s not that I’ve “given up” or something stupid like that, in fact I think now I’m more in control. Everything is always on my terms, I’m never really pressured or feel like I’m obligated in anything. Which I really like because I hate being told what to do or feel like someone has certain expectations about me! Being “alone” in a relationship way doesn’t mean I’m actually literally alone – people seem to have this very fake kind of concern about loners not getting “enough human contact”, as though being in an exclusive committed relationship automatically means all needs are magically fulfilled. As though they have any idea of what I need or how I fee. It’s really rude and it’s not a healthy attitude or expectation to have about relationships at all. Anyway, I’ve watched enough of my loved ones put up with horrible relationships for no good reason other than it’s apparently preferable to be in one than be alone. This stupid expectation for people to not be alone really hurts people and negatively impacts their lives, puts them in the path of manipulative and abusive relationships, and really just causes a lot of trouble. I hope by talking about it maybe I can make people think a bit more about it.
What do you think? How do you feel about being alone?